Being a Mom Is…

My friends without kids often ask me what it’s like to be a mom… That isn’t a question I can answer with a quick reply. I usually give a generic response, but today I’m going to take the time to answer it to the best of my ability.

-Being a mom is everything.
-Being a mom is bittersweet.
-Being a mom is giving up the last bite of your favorite piece of cake because your beautiful little boy wants a “bite bite”
-Being a mom is watching your amazing creation take his first steps with so much pride you could bust, but wishing he wasn’t growing up so fast
-Being a mom is a full time job with no holidays or sick days
-Being a mom is spending more money than you have to make sure their 1st birthday is perfect
-Being a mom is amazing. Every single day.
-Being a mom is having a panic attack because their fever is 102.8 and their pedi is on vacation
-Being a mom is sacrifice
-Being a mom is a privilege
-Being a mom is watching Mickey Mouse for 6 straight hours because there’s nothing more precious than the way their eyes light up when Mickey walks over the little hill
-Being a mom is giving up your pillow because they sleep better in your spot
-Being a mom is seeing the world through different eyes
-Being a mom is growing a giant set of balls because you’re the only defense your child has in the world
-Being a mom is having a dishwasher full of coffee cups and bottles
-Being a mom is waking up early and wishing they were up so you could play in the bed
-Being a mom is crying at the end of a long weekend from work because you can’t imagine leaving them again
-Being a mom is leaving your comfort zone and taking scary chances for the sake of a better life for your family
-Being a mom is knowing there will never be a better feeling than being the only one that can stop their tears
-Being a mom is being heartbroken knowing there will be a day when you won’t be able to stop their tears
-Being a mom is hard as hell
-Being a mom is the single most rewarding thing I’ve ever done in my life
-Being a mom is tearing up when you see a new mommy holding her baby for the first time, because you know how quickly the time passes
-Being a mom is wanting to do the best you can in all aspects of your life to make sure you provide the best life you can for your child
-Being a mom is becoming selfless
-Being a mom is spending your last $20 on diapers and eating soup for lunch til payday so they don’t have to use the cheap emergency diapers
-Being a mom is putting them first, always.
-Being a mom is knowing your life will never be the same, and thanking God for allowing you to bring your perfect child into the world.
-Being a mom is taking too many pictures because you know you won’t ever live this moment again
-Being a mom is something you can’t describe in a few sentences. Its something you have to experience to understand.

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The Plan

We have decided we definitely want to welcome a new baby sooner, rather than later. The company I work for gives all vacation/sick/personal time on January 1st. So, I would like to go on maternity leave as close to the end of the year, without going into the new year as possible… If that makes any sense. With P I was on maternity leave from December 1st to January 28th and lost all of my paid time off. That made the past year really difficult since I didn’t want to miss any of his first Dr appointments, or leave him when he was sick. Definitely not making that mistake again! The second factor in the plan is the Aflac policy I just took out, that goes into effect on January 1st. According to my Aflac rep, if I give birth after November 1st of 2016 I will be covered for the birth and hospital stay, and get a nice payout!

So, if I’m going to have a baby in 2016 it needs to be a November baby. Which makes February the month I will need to conceive. Since P was a 1st try Clomid baby I’m praying I will have the same luck this time around… I really want to get pregnant in February. P would be 23 months old when the new baby arrived, which is as close to perfect as you can get to the 2 year age gap I’ve always imagined my babies would have. I can’t believe I’m about to start this journey again already, but I’m thrilled about the possibility of baby #2!

Shit I Can’t Believe I have to Say: Part 1

I catch myself saying things to P (and my husband) on a daily basis that I literally can’t believe have to be said. You would think most of these things should go without saying, but not when you have a crazy baby boy and a husband like mine!!! There’s much more I could add to this list, and I’m sure there’s gonna be a lot more to add in the future!

-“Do NOT put her tail in your mouth!!!”

-“Get out of the dishwasher NOW!”

-“Please stop pulling on your bird!”

-“Get off of her head!”

-“Stop trying to eat the garbage!”

-“Please quit calling your mamaw!” (she’s on speed dial, he’s not a child genius…that I know of)

-“You know that’s not buttpaste around your mouth… You know not!”

To Hubby:

-“He can’t have chimichangas!”

-“No…we can’t just scoot him to the other side of the bed!” (he’s sexually deprived)

-“I’m on my way, don’t pee on his head!!!!”

-“In his 2nd drawer… Where they have been for 11 months!” (in response to “Where’s his pants, I can’t find them anywhere!”)

-and then there were 4… Or maybe not.

Hubby and I have been tossing around the idea of baby #2 for a couple of months. He wants a bunch of kids (3+) and I only want 2. After P was born we decided to go with a 4 year age gap, so P would be starting school when baby #2 came along. My mother in law keeps P and my niece while hubby and I and my brother and sister in law work. So out of respect for our free babysitter, I think it would be best to wait til the oldest are starting school to have another. Clearly that plan isn’t going to work out… We have both realized we want our kids to be closer in age. Just how close we want them has yet to be determined.

I always imagined I would just know when it was time to have another baby, like I would check the mail and get a little postcard that said “Its that time!” or something… Apparently that’s not how it works? I’m truly in limbo about it. One day I’m consumed by baby fever and cry just thinking about a sweet little newborn, or a baby bump. Other days, the reality of life with 2 kids and a full time job gets me overwhelmed and I wonder if I could even handle it. Then I realize how much older P would be once the new baby arrived and it all seems so simple. We can afford a second child, and could swing daycare or another babysitter if we had to, so there is really nothing holding us back.

So here we are… NTNP. (That’s not trying, not preventing for you TTC newbs!) I guess we will see where this takes us, and let God and chance make this decision. 🙂

5 Reasons My Son Might be a Puppy

Over the last 10 months I’ve caught myself comparing the things my son does to a puppy on many occasions. The older he gets the more he gets like a puppy. I swear. It’s hilarious really! I’ve compiled this little list of his puppy-like tendencies for your amusement 🙂

1. He begs for food. Any time I eat a snack he stands or sits in front of me and looks at me with puppy dog eyes and wines til I share.

2. He pees in the floor. On occasion I have to take his diaper off for a few minutes (usually before bath time when I don’t have all my supplies together). As soon as I sit him down he pees in the floor, every single time.

3. He chews my shoes. We try to keep our shoes out of the rooms he plays in… But sometimes they get left out… it happens. When it does, he crawls just as fast as he can to chew on them before I catch him.

4. He loves to have his belly scratched. He will lay perfectly still just as long as you will scratch his belly!

5. He likes to play in the garbage can. Turn your back for 5 seconds (or heaven forbid go to the bathroom!) and he’s headed straight to the garbage!

Meeska Mooska Mommy Forgot About Her Blog

So…. I’ve not written in a while because life. I’ve been spending my days working, and my evenings watching Mickey Mouse and cuddling. No real reason I couldn’t type a blog post, I just chose to live in the moment 🙂

We had not 1 but 2 babywearing photo sessions, which I will share soon (I swear!!) I’m almost done planning his 1st birthday party, and I’ve been trying to convince hubby it’s time for baby #2… He thinks I need to increase the dosage on my crazy meds! There isn’t a whole lot to update you on… But trust me, it’s pretty interesting around here!

P is 10 months old now, and amazing me every single day! He can stand by himself for a few seconds, he’s obsessed with chewing on ketchup and other things inside the refrigerator door every time I open it, he likes to climb in the dishwasher and he has learned to climb into my lap. He’s a very busy boy, and likes to get into 10 month old mischief! In fact, my papaw and his wife babysat one day last week and when my husband went to pick him up, my papaw informed him that “His name should have been Columbus, because he sure likes to explore!” Apparently he spent the day chasing their dogs, getting toys off of a shelf above his head in a closet and trying to climb the stairs.

So… if I’m MIA for another few weeks or so, someone check to make sure he hasn’t killed me!!

Disconnected- Depression & Pregnancy

I’ve struggled with depression and anxiety on and off for most of my life. I’ve only recently realized how much mental illness impacted some of the best times of my life, and I hope that by putting this in writing I will be able to help someone get the help they need sooner than I did.

As you know from previous posts, I had some trouble conceiving. The moment we found out we were going to have a baby I was genuinely happy… But it quickly faded. I rarely felt like my miracle baby was growing inside of me… I was just pregnant, like pregnancy was just a 40 week stage of my life. I remember thinking it wasn’t real on a daily basis. There was no way I had gotten pregnant, there was no way a child that was created by my wonderful husband and I was growing inside of me… There was no way this was real.

I loved my baby dearly from the very moment I found out I was pregnant. Don’t get that wrong. I was, and will forever be grateful for the greatest gift I’ve ever been given. But I was disconnected. I wasn’t able to enjoy my pregnancy, even after my infertility struggle. I felt like it was all a dream and I was going to wake up any moment… I didn’t want to get too excited and jinx it or something I guess?

I spent 39 weeks and 3 days waiting to wake of from this pregnancy dream. I’m convinced that it would have been a completely different experience if I hadn’t been suffering from depression. I wish so badly that I had been able to feel connected with my little man while he grew within my womb. I didn’t talk to my Dr about the way I was feeling until P was 9 months old. I am taking an antidepressant now, and I honestly feel like a completely different person. I can feel now. Mental illness of any sort isn’t anything to be ashamed of. More people are suffering than you can imagine, please get help if you’re one of them. Don’t waste the greatest experiences in your life by being unable to enjoy them.